Erkenning van eie onmag / admitting one's powerlessness

‘n Mens neem jou eie onmag waar. Jy sien dit keer op keer raak. Jy ervaar dit aan jou bas, aan eie lyf. En tog, al herken jy dit, weier jy om dit te erken. Want erkenning beteken dat jy verloor het. Jy is ‘n “loser.” ‘n Mens is te trots om dit toe te laat.

Om jou eie onmag te erken, beteken dat jy besef en aanvaar dat jy die onderspit gedelf het. Jy gooi die handdoek in. Jy sit in die hoek, verslae en oorwonne.

Vir soveel kere in jou lewe het jy allerhande slim argument gehad, mooi verskonings uitgedink, blaam uitgedeel, die vinger na ander gewys.

Maar as jy jou eie onmag insien en aanvaar, kyk jy diep in jou in ‘n groot duisternis vas. Ek het niks meer om op terug te val nie. Ek val weg in ‘n ewigheid van verlorenheid. Daar is geen veiligheidsnet wat ek gespan het, om my op te tel nie.

Jy aanvaar dus nie jou sondigheid, jou gebreke en jou foute nie. Jy loop dieper as dit, jy omhels as te ware jou totale onvermoë om jou sonde te bowe te kom. Jy weet nou – selfs my slimmighede, my goedpraat van my eie slegtheid, my verskonings vir my leefstyl, dit is tekens van en bevestig net my eie onmag.

One observes your own powerlessness. Time and again you fail. You experience your fallibility. And yet, event though you recognize it, you do not acknowledge it, because acknowledgement implies defeat. You are a loser. And one is too proud to acknowledge.

To acknowledge your own powerlessness, means that you understand and accept that you have been defeated. You give up. You are in your corner, having been counted out.

So many times you had your neat excuses, your ingenious rationalizations, you played the blaming game, pointed the finger to others.

But as you acknowledge your own powerlessness and embrace it, you look deep into an abyss. I have nothing more to fall back on. Nothing from within me can now save me.

One does not accept your sinfulnees, your failures and your mistakes. It goes much deeper than that. Acknowledging your powerlessness, means embracing your complete inability to overcome the darkness in which you have come to live. You realize, even my brightest answers, my rationalization, my excuses, they are all just bad examples of my own powerlessness.