Friday, June 28, 2013

Verwond deur die kerk.

C.S. Lewis, soos die onderstaande artikel uit Woensdag se NYT dit beskryf, was een van die bekendste christelike skrywers uit die twintigste eeu.
Ek was nog altyd beïndruk deur sy gewildheid, veral in die Engelse gemeenskap.
Die artikel hier onder vertel iets van die resepsie-geskiedenis van sy werk en hoe mense steeds weer deur sy werke geïnspireer word.
Wat my opval aan die artikel is hoe wydverspreid oor die wêreld heen mense deur die kerk verwond word.
En dan is dit die skrywer, soos Lewis, wat hul help om weer genees te word.
Dit hoef nie so te wees nie. As die kerk werklik die voorbeeld van Christus volg, kan dit ‘n hawe van ontferming vir mense word. Hoe gebeur dit dat mense seergemaak word en dan verder veroordeel en verwerp raak?
Daar is baie rede’s. Die kerk se geslotenheid, tradisionalisme, ongeduld, magsbewussyn en onverdraagsaamheid is sommige van die oorsake.
Dink maar aan Christus se ontferming oor hulle wat nie gereken is nie. Of aan sy oplettendheid oor mense wat swaarkry. Of aan die keer toe hy op die grond gekniel het om voete te was. Of aan die keer toe hy in die stilte van die donker nag lank gepraat het met die twyfelaar. Of ook sy hand vir die Thomas-dissipels uitgesteek het.
Die man wat wonde genees het, al is Hy in die proses self verwond.

Hier is die artikel:

C. S. Lewis, Evangelical Rock Star 
By T. M. LUHRMANN

In 2005, Time magazine called C. S. Lewis the “hottest theologian” of the year — 42 years after his death. That same year, a cover story in Christianity Today hailed him as a “superstar.” To this day Lewis, who published the first of his children’s books about “Narnia” in 1950, remains deeply compelling for many evangelicals, more so than for Catholics and mainline Protestants. Why?

Lewis’s remarkable combination of theological simplicity and tweedy British scholarship is no doubt one reason for his appeal. In his famous book “Mere Christianity,” adapted from a series of BBC radio talks during World War II, Lewis laid out a clear assertion of what it meant to be Christian. Molly Worthen, a historian of religion, points out that nearly a century after the Scopes trial, many evangelicals still worry that secular intellectuals regard them as country bumpkins. Christians like Lewis have helped to keep that sense of cultural inferiority at bay.

But the text for which Lewis is best known is his “Chronicles of Narnia.” And what “Narnia” offers is not theological simplicity, but complexity. The God represented in these books is not quite real (it’s fiction) and yet more real than the books pretend (that’s not a lion, it’s God). That complexity may help people to hang on to faith in a secular society, when they need a God who is in some ways insulated from human doubt about religion.

The story of Bob, a man I got to know while writing a book on evangelical belief, offers some insight here. He grew up in a strict evangelical church in Southern California, but he thought it dishonest and manipulative. He remembers seeing, as a child, videos of violent and vengeful Old Testament stories, images of people sent to hell for seemingly arbitrary reasons. He concluded that this was meant to scare people into choosing Jesus.

Bob married young — too young — and soon divorced. After that, he was no longer welcome in his church. He left for graduate school still a Christian, but with his faith in turmoil. He asked God to help him deal with his distress. Three nights later, he saw on his pillow a vision of Aslan, the lion Lewis created to represent God/Jesus in “Narnia.” Bob described Aslan as glittering gold, with a mane that moved as if it were blowing in the wind. A few months later, he had an image of Aslan tattooed on his chest — to remind him, he said, of whom God had called him to be.

What Aslan gave Bob was a sense that God was real and loved him, even though he did not trust the humans who told him all he had been taught about God. This sense that the human church isn’t always to be trusted crops up in many of the newer evangelical churches. People talk about being “church wounded” and say things like “this isn’t about church, it’s about a real God.”

In “Mere Christianity,” Lewis wrote that to pretend helps one to experience God as real. In “Narnia” he offered a way to pretend — by depicting a God who is so explicitly not a God from an ordinary human church. Aslan keeps God safe from human clumsiness and error.

What does it mean that our society places such a premium on fantasy and imagination? “No culture,” observes the child psychologist Suzanne Gaskins, “comes close to the level of resources for play provided by middle-class Euro-American parents.” In many traditional societies, children play by imitating adults. They pretend to cook, marry, plant, fish, hunt.

“Inventive pretend,” in which children pretend the fantastic or impossible (enchanted princesses, dragon hunters) “is rarely — if ever — observed in non-industrialized or traditional cultures,” Gaskins says. That may be because inventive play often requires adult involvement. Observing the lack of fantasy play among the Manus children in New Guinea, Margaret Mead noted that “the great majority of children will not even imagine bears under the bed unless the adult provides the bear.”

Westerners, by contrast, not only tolerate fantasy play but actively encourage it, for adults as well as for children. We are novel readers, movie watchers and game players. We have made J. K. Rowling very wealthy.

This suggests that we imagine a complex reality in which things might be true — materially, spiritually, psychologically. Science leads us to draw a sharp line between what is real and what is unreal. At the same time, we live in an age in which we are exquisitely aware that there are many theories, both religious and scientific, to explain the world, and many ways to be human.

Probably fiction does for us what the vision of Aslan did for Bob: it helps us to learn what we find emotionally true in the face of irreconcilable contradictions. That is what Joshua Landy, a professor of French literature, argues in “How to Do Things with Fictions”: fiction teaches us how to think about what we take to be true. In the cacophony of an information-soaked age, we need it.


T. M. Luhrmann, a professor of anthropology at Stanford, is a guest columnist. Maureen Dowd and Thomas L. Friedman are off today.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Die sewe duiwels en die psalm-singende leier wat so lief is vir vergaderings. Oor self-ondersoek en doodsvrees.


Terwyl ek oor vrees vir God lees vir my referaat van Saterdag, kom ek op die volgende skrywe van Spurgeon af:

"Doodsvrees" hierdie. Die Engelse praat van scare the living daylights out of them.

Spurgeon, bekend vir sy "gevleuelde" taal, stel nie teleur met sy uitbeelding van Bunyan se beskrywing van die lot van die psalm-singende Metodis nie: sewe duiwels sal die skynheilige skepsel met nege toue vasbind en van die pad na die hemel (wat hy gedink het hy bewandel) wegsleep en hom deur 'n agterdeur reguit in die hel in instoot. 

Maar Spurgeon gebruik die beeld om tot eerlike self-ondersoek aan te spoor. Dit is vir hom, self 'n "professor" wat psalms sing, belangrik om na binne te kyk en gedurig te toets of 'n mens regtig is waar jy dink jy is. 

En dan is die beeld van die sewe duiwels 'n goeie aansporing daartoe.

Spurgeon wou sy hoorders aanspoor tot egte spiritualiteit, tot geleefde geloof. Hy het dit gedoen in die taal van sy tyd en in bybelse taal. 

Hoe bring 'n mens, wonder ek, in ons tyd, mense daartoe om te begryp hoe lewensbelangrik dit is om op jouself te let en te toets of 'n mens jou nog in die gees van Christus bevind? 

Hier is die stuk: 

What must be the apostate professor's doom when his naked soul appears before God? How will he bear that voice, "Depart, ye cursed; thou hast rejected me, and I reject thee; thou hast played the harlot, and departed from me: I also have banished thee forever from my presence, and will not have mercy upon thee." 

What will be this wretch's shame at the last great day when, before assembled multitudes, the apostate shall be unmasked? 

See the profane, and sinners who never professed religion, lifting themselves up from their beds of fire to point at him. 

"There he is," says one, "will he preach the gospel in hell?" 

"There he is," says another, "he rebuked me for cursing, and was a hypocrite himself!" 

"Aha!" says another, "here comes a psalm-singing Methodist--one who was always at his meeting; he is the man who boasted of his being sure of everlasting life; and here he is!" 

No greater eagerness will ever be seen among Satanic tormentors, than in that day when devils drag the hypocrite's soul down to perdition. Bunyan pictures this with massive but awful grandeur of poetry when he speaks of the back-way to hell. Seven devils bound the wretch with nine cords, and dragged him from the road to heaven, in which he had professed to walk, and thrust him through the back-door into hell. 

Mind that back-way to hell, professors! "Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith." 

Look well to your state; see whether you be in Christ or not. It is the easiest thing in the world to give a lenient verdict when oneself is to be tried; but O, be just and true here. Be just to all, but be rigorous to yourself. Remember if it be not a rock on which you build, when the house shall fall, great will be the fall of it. O may the Lord give you sincerity, constancy, and firmness; and in no day, however evil, may you be led to turn aside.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Vrees vir God en 910 miljoen rand

Dit is vandag prominente nuus in Europa dat Ierse bankiers wat geweet het hulle bank is bankrot, doelbewus fondse van ander lande aanvaar het onder die voorwendsel dat dit die bank sal red. 
Die Ierse regering het ‘n absolute waarborg vir die lenings onderskryf onder die indruk dat die situasie beredder kan word. 

Die bank het ondergegaan en ‘n ekonomiese ramp het die Iere getref. 

Die bankbase wat die regering en die buitelandse instansies met inligting voorsien het, het intussen hul lewens onberoerd voortgesit en hul luukse bestaan onaangetas bly voer.

Maar hulle het nie voorsien wat gaan gebeur nie. Hulle telefoongesprekke tydens die krisis is opgeneem, soos dit wetlik in Ierland vir sekere afdelings van banke voorgeskryf is. 

‘n Wakker koerant het die gesprekke gaan opsoek, beluister en nou openbaar gemaak.

Dit is nie goeie gesprekke om aan te hoor nie. Die bankiers se blatante oneerlikheid word net deur hulle koudbloedige gierigheid oortref. 

Die bedrae wat deur hul bestuur van banke en hul oneerlikheid ter sprake is, is astronomies: 910 miljard rand is wat die Ierse regering gekry het om die bank solvent te hou en te keer dat die ekonomie geknow word. 

En dit is wat belastingbetalers nou moet terugbetaal.

Dit klink maar net na syfers. Maar wat dit in menslike gevolge beteken, het die Nederlandse koerant, Trouw, vanoggend uitgespel: werkloosheid in Ierland het tot 14% gestyg. Vele mense se salarisse en pensioene is met tot 20% verlaag.

Ierland se ekonomie is ‘n nekslag toegedien. 

Die eerste dekade van die nuwe millennium, onthou ek, het vele mense die Ierse ekonomiese wonder aangeprys. Ingeligte ekonome het egter gewaarsku dat dinge nie pluis is nie. En uiteindelik het die hele sisteem die prys betaal.

Ierland is maar net een van vele lande waar dit gebeur het. Dink maar aan Griekeland, die VSA, Italië, Spanje, om maar enkeles te noem. Op die oomblik is situasie in Brasilië ook onder groot druk.
In Italië en Griekeland het berigte gekom van mense wat nie meer kans gesien het om te lewe nie omdat hulle inkomste daarmee heen is. Dit was ekstreme voorbeelde.

Maar die laggende en jillende bankiers wat miljarde rande berekend en openlik bedrieglik vir hul bankrot bank aangevra het, is nooit aangekla nie. Dit terwyl ‘n massiewe getal mense hul werk verloor het, hul inkomste en pensioen sien daal het en moes toekyk hoe hul land se ekonomie inmekaar stort weens swak regering, winsbejag en gierigheid.

En dan dink ons dit gaan sleg in Suid-Afrika.

Ek is besig om oor vrees vir God ‘n referaat voor te berei. Vrees vir God het in die Bybel ‘n positiewe kant. Hoe “vreeslik” anders is God tog, druk ons daarmee uit. Dit beteken dat ‘n mens in “bewondering” staan voor God se mag om mense se lewens radikaal om te keer (Lukas 5: die wonder van die verlamde man se genesing word deur die krag van die Menseseun moontlik gemaak). Maar ‘n mens staan ook in “verwondering” oor God se ontferming (Lukas 7 waar Jesus die weduwee se seun opwek en aan haar terug gee). Verwonderd het die skares in beide gevalle toegekyk hoedat God aan hulle, die geringes, die ongerekendes en die lydendes, ontferming gee en vir hulle omgee. God - wat verby die groot maghebbers wat oor ander heers en hulle uitbuit, kyk na hulle wat in nood is. 

Dit laat ‘n mens verwonderd staan. Hoe anders is God se maatstawwe as mense s’n? Hulle kon nie glo wat  hulle sien nie. Om hulle was die Fariseërs en skrifgeleerdes wat hul mag oor mense uitgeoefen het. Selfs die dissipels wou dit doen totdat Jesus hulle met die voetewassing op hul plek gesit het en vir hulle laat besef het ‘n mens moet maar vreeslik graag vir ander omgee.

Maar daar is ook ‘n ander kant: vrees vir God het te doen met wat kan gebeur wanneer ‘n mens onreg pleeg. Die wat kwaad aanvang, ander uitbuit, onregverdig optree, gierig is, die ongevoelige rykes en die korrupte heersers - hulle moet God vrees. Want die oordeel van God is verskriklik. Die Bybel is hieroor duidelik: daar is niks so afgryslik en weersinwekkend as onmenslikheid nie. God verduur nie onreg nie.  


Hier is ‘n paragraaf of twee in vanoggend se artikel oor die telefoongesprek:

In een gesprek met zijn baas Drumm zingt Bowe 'Deutschland über alles'. Beiden schaterlachen om de zorgen vanuit Duitsland dat Anglo Irish de garanties op Ierse spaartegoeden misbruikt om geld uit Duitsland aan te trekken. "Misbruik die garantie, maar zorg ervoor dat je er niet mee wordt betrapt", zo draagt Drumm zijn ondergschikte Bowe op.

De beslissing van het Ierse parlement eind september 2008 om een absolute garantie te geven op alle schulden die de banken hadden uitstaan, betekende de ondergang van het land. De poging om Anglo Irish te redden, kostte ruim 30 miljard euro, maar de bank werd uiteindelijk alsnog geliquideerd. Ierland zag zich gedwongen de overige eurolanden en het IMF om hulp te vragen en kreeg een steunpakket van 67,5 miljard euro.

De Ieren zijn nog altijd woedend over de miljarden die het jaarlijks moet aflossen aan de Europese Centrale Bank voor banken die achteraf toch niet gered hadden kunnen worden. Sinds de bankencrisis is de Ierse economie fors gekrompen, de werkloosheid is meer dan verdrievoudigd tot ruim 14 procent, en de veel salarissen en pensioenen zijn tot wel 20 procent verlaagd.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

'n Erediens vir ateïste.


Die onderstaande berig in vandag se NYT vertel van ‘n erediens vir ateïste in die diep, konserwatiewe suide van Amerika.

Ek het so pas Alan de Botton se boek, Religion for Atheists klaar gelees.

Albei hierdie stukke skryfwerk vertel van die inherente verlange by elke mens om na die hoogste waardes en norme te soek op ‘n manier wat ‘n mens kan vier.

In die laaste ses jaar het 15 % mense in Amerika hul band met godsdiens los laat raak.

Maar hul behoefte na die dieper dinge bly. Hulle kan net nie meer met tradisionele vorme van godsdiens sin maak nie. 

In die Amerikaanse geval wil die organiseerder die behoefte aanspreek deur ‘n diens waar daar geen verwysings na God is nie.

In De Botton se boek, veel ryker en intelligenter, is daar ‘n besinning oor die inhoude in tradisionele godsdienste wat in sekulêre kringe oorgeneem en bewaar kan word.

Alles vertel dat daar verpakkinge aan die evangelie is wat nie meer met mense resoneer nie.

Die uitdaging is om die evangelie so te vertaal dat mense daarby aanklank vind, maar sonder om die unieke impak daarvan prys te gee. 

Dit hoef nie noodwendig 'n kwessie te raak nie. Trouens, voortdurende vernuwing is steeds weer 'n kenmerk van egte geloof. Spiritualiteit beklemtoon dat die geestelike reis ‘n proses is wat in die onbekende strek: in nuwe tye gaan mense altyd nuut op God se aanraking reageer – altyd in gesprek met die getuienisse van die verlede.

Dit is al ‘n prestasie om van hierdie uitdaging bewus te raak. Nog groter is die prestasie om antwoorde op die uitdaging te vind. Daarom is dit nuttig om ‘n artikel soos die een hier onder deur te lees.



BATON ROUGE, La. — It would have been easy to mistake what was happening in a hotel ballroom here for a religious service. All the things that might be associated with one were present Sunday: 80 people drawn by a common conviction. Exhortations to service. Singing and light swaying. An impassioned sermon.There was just no mention of God.

Billed as Louisiana’s first atheist service and titled “Joie de Vivre: To Delight in Being Alive,” it was presided over by Jerry DeWitt, a small, charismatic man dressed all in black with slick, shiny hair.
“Oh, it’s going to be so hard to not say, ‘Can I get an amen?’ ” he said with a smile, warning people that this was going to be more like church than they might expect. “I want you to feel comfortable singing. And I want you to feel comfortable clapping your hands. I’m going to ask you to silence your cellphones, but I’m not going to ask you to turn them off. Because I want you to post.”
As Mr. DeWitt paced back and forth, speaking with a thick Southern accent, his breathy yet powerful voice occasionally cracked with emotion. The term may be a contradiction, but he is impossible to describe as anything but an atheist preacher.
Mr. DeWitt acts so much like a clergyman because he was one.
He was raised Pentecostal in DeRidder, La., a small town near the Texas border. In 2011, after 25 years as a preacher, he realized he had lost all connection to the religious point of view that had defined most of his life. He left the church and found himself ostracized in his hometown and from his family. Since then, Mr. DeWitt, 43, has become a prominent advocate of atheism, giving lectures around the region and providing an emotional counterpoint to more academic atheist exponents like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens.
With Sunday’s service — marking the start of Community Mission Chapel in Lake Charles, which Mr. DeWitt called a full-fledged atheist “church” — he wanted to bring some of the things that he had learned from his years as a religious leader to atheists in southern Louisiana.
The percentage of religiously unaffiliated Americans appears to be on the rise. A 2012 Pew Research Center study found that while only about 6 percent identified as atheist or agnostic, they were among nearly 20 percent classified as religiously unaffiliated. That was up from 15 percent in 2007, a greater increase than for any traditional faith.
Mr. DeWitt counts himself among the hard-line atheists, but he believes that something may be lost when someone leaves the church — not just the parts about God, but also a sense of community and a connection to emotion.
“There are many people that even though they come to this realization, they miss the way the church works in a way that very few other communities can duplicate,” he said in a phone interview. “The secular can learn that just because we value critical thinking and the scientific method, that doesn’t mean we suddenly become disembodied and we can no longer benefit from our emotional lives.”
Some in the audience had a difficult time coming to atheism. Joshua Hammers, a member of an atheist organization in Lake Charles, said he had been completely separated from his community and social life when he left the Pentecostal church in which he was raised. For him, there was something comfortable, a reminder of childhood, about hearing Mr. DeWitt preach.
“We were at the Reason on the Bayou conference, and everything else was just like a lecture,” Mr. Hammers said, referring to a secular rally held in April at Louisiana State University. “Then Jerry got up, and he was just, you know, preaching the message. Most other atheist leaders are academics and intellectuals, and Jerry’s not like that. He’s just talking to your heart.”
Services are gaining traction as outlets for organized atheism in places like London, Houston, Sacramento and New York, as well as at universities with humanist chaplains. In a deeply conservative region like the Deep South, they can serve a vital purpose: providing a sense of camaraderie in what many have found to be a hostile environment for nonreligious people.
“Here, we have a very strong sense of community,” said Russell Rush, a former youth pastor from DeRidder. “When you go into an actual church, it’s almost like having a family reunion. When you leave that lifestyle, and leave that church life behind, a lot of times you can feel ostracized. Things like this let fellow atheists and agnostics know that they’re not alone.”
Mr. DeWitt sees services like his as giving a human shape to a broad intellectual movement that is in its infancy. He believes that he and the others in the room are building something meant to last.
“Though this movement has had starts and stops throughout world history, right now it’s important to remember that we are young,” he said after a singalong to a song of that name by the band Fun. “Someday, what you are doing will become normal. Isn’t that a feeling?”

Monday, June 24, 2013

Mense wat trou verwag meer as ooit billikheid, trou en intimiteit. Oor die oorlewingsdrang van die huwelik.

Toevalling loop ek, na gister se blog, ook hierdie artikel oor nuwe tendense oor hoe vele mense oor die huwelik dink,  raak

Dit is 'n boeiende artikel wat hoogs interessante navorsing bespreek. 

Onder die vele opmerkings, bly die volgende my by:

Mense wag langer om te trou. Maar, meer as ooit, skryf Cohen, verwag mense vandag meer as ooit billikheid, getrouheid en intimiteit van die huwelik. 

Die dae van die huwelik is nog lank nie getel nie... 

Hier is die artikel in eergister se NYT: 
AT first glance, the prognosis for marriage looks grim. Between 1950 and 2011, according to calculations by the University of Maryland sociologist Philip Cohen, the marriage rate fell from 90 marriages a year per 1,000 unmarried women to just 31, a stunning 66 percent decline. If such a decline continued, there would be no women getting married by 2043!
But rumors of the death of marriage are greatly exaggerated. People are not giving up on marriage. They are simply waiting longer to tie the knot. Because the rate of marriage is calculated by the percentage of adult women (over 15) who get married each year, the marriage rate automatically falls as the average age of marriage goes up. In 1960, the majority of women were already married before they could legally have a glass of Champagne at their own wedding. A woman who was still unwed at 25 had some reason to fear that she would turn into what the Japanese call “Christmas cake,” left on the shelf.
Today the average age of first marriage is almost 27 for women and 29 for men, and the range of ages at first marriage is much more spread out. In 1960, Professor Cohen calculates, fewer than 8 percent of women and only 13 percent of men married for the first time at age 30 or older, compared with almost a third of all women and more than 40 percent of all men today. Most Americans still marry eventually, and they continue to hold marriage in high regard. Indeed, as a voluntary relationship between two individuals, marriage comes with higher expectations of fairness, fidelity and intimacy than ever.
But marriage is no longer the central institution that organizes people’s lives. Marriage is no longer the only place where people make major life transitions and decisions, enter into commitments or incur obligations. The rising age of marriage, combined with the increase in divorce and cohabitation since the 1960s, means that Americans spend a longer period of their adult lives outside marriage than ever before.
The historian Nancy F. Cott suggests that recent changes in marriage could produce shifts similar to those that accompanied the disestablishment of religion. Most American colonies, following the British model, had an official church that bestowed special privileges on its members and penalized those who did not join it. Residents were sometimes fined or whipped if they failed to attend the established church. After the American Revolution, states repealed laws requiring people to belong to a particular church or religion to qualify for public rights. When the official churches were disestablished, new religions and sects were able to function openly and compete for followers. And the old church had to recruit members in new ways.
An analogous process is taking place with marriage. Many alternatives to traditional marriage have emerged. People feel free to shop around, experimenting with several living arrangements in succession. And when people do marry, they have different expectations and goals. In consequence, many of the “rules” we used to take for granted — about who marries, who doesn’t, what makes for a satisfactory marriage and what raises the risk of divorce — are changing.
Until the 1970s, highly educated and high-earning women were less likely to marry than their less-educated sisters. But among women born since 1960, college graduates are now as likely to marry as women with less education and much less likely to divorce.
And it’s time to call a halt to the hysteria about whether high-earning women are pricing themselves out of the marriage market. New research by the sociologist Leslie McCall reveals that while marriage rates have fallen for most women since 1980, those for the highest earning women have increased, to 64 percent in 2010 from 58 percent in 1980. Women in the top 15 percent of earners are now more likely to be married than their lower-earning counterparts.
Similar changes are occurring across the developed world, even in countries with more traditional views of marriage and gender roles. The demographer Yen-Hsin Alice Cheng reports that in Taiwan, educated women are now more likely to marry than less educated women, reversing trends that were in force in the 1990s. High earnings used to reduce a Japanese woman’s chance of marrying. Today, however, such a woman is more likely to marry than her lower-income counterpart.
Until recently, women who married later than average had higher rates of divorce. Today, with every year a woman delays marriage, up to her early 30s, her chance of divorce decreases, and it does not rise again thereafter. If an American woman wanted a lasting marriage in the 1950s, she was well advised to choose a man who believed firmly in traditional values and male breadwinning. Unconventional men — think beatniks — were a bad risk. Today, however, traditionally minded men are actually more likely to divorce — or to be divorced — than their counterparts with more egalitarian ideas about gender roles.
Over the past 30 years, egalitarian values have become increasingly important to relationship success. So has sharing housework. As late as 1990, fewer than half of Americans ranked sharing chores as very important to marital success. Today 62 percent hold that view, more than the 53 percent who think an adequate income is very important or the 49 percent who cite shared religious beliefs.
Two-thirds of couples who marry today are already living together. For most of the 20th century, couples who lived together before marriage had a greater chance of divorce than those who entered directly into marriage. But when the demographer Wendy Manning and her colleagues looked at couples married since 1996, they found that this older association no longer prevailed. For couples married since the mid-1990s, cohabitation before marriage is not associated with an elevated risk of marital dissolution.
In fact, among the subgroups of women facing the greatest risk of divorce — poor minority women, women who have had a premarital birth or were raised in single-parent families, and women with a history of numerous sex partners — cohabitation with definite plans to marry at the outset is tied to lower levels of marital instability than direct entry into marriage. America may soon experience the transition that has already occurred in several countries, like Australia, where living together before marriage has become a protective factor against divorce for most couples.
All these changes make it an exciting time to research marriage — and a challenging time to enter it. But it’s not that we’re doing a worse job at marriage than our ancestors did. It’s that we demand different things from marriage than in the past. And marriage demands different things from us.  
Stephanie Coontz, a guest columnist, teaches at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Hoe meer 'n mens sukkel met 'n huwelik, hoe romantieser is dit: spiritualiteit as proses

Film en televisie het hul siklusse aan etiese en geestelike patrone.

Daar was vir lank vele films wat die werklikheid van gebroke gesinslewens weerspieël en ook bevorder het. Saamwoon, egskeidings, verhoudinge buite die huwelik en 'n sorgeloosheid oor seksualiteit was natuurlike en aangeprysde tema's.

'n Mens sien dit nog daagliks. Trouens, in sommige gevalle is die tipe films en programme so pervers dat 'n mens wanhoop aan die planeet se toekoms as mense met sulke verdorwe houdings die vermaak van gemeenskappe voorsien.

Ek noem dit die banalisering van ons kunste. Hoe kruer, gewelddadiger, agterbakser en oneerliker, hoe groter kuns word dit.

Dit is nie verstandig nie, word jy gewaarsku, om iets negatiefs oor sulke films en programme te skryf nie, want as jy daarteen praat ontken jy die "werklikheid" wat in kuns uitgebeeld moet word. Dan is jy suurpruim en outyds.

Maar soms kom daar uit die hart van Hollywood stemme wat 'n mens verras omdat dit op 'n nuwe manier vrae vra oor die dinge. In vanoggend se NYT is daar byvoorbeeld 'n hoogs interessante artikel waarin oor 'n nuwe tendens in die kuns en vermaakbedryf geskryf word. Die artikel hak aan 'n opmerking van Ben Affleck by die oorhandiging van die Oscars waarin hy oor sy jarelange huwelik met Jennifer Garner as "werk" praat. Party mense was vir hom vies hieroor.

Maar sy woorde het op 'n ondenkbare manier uiting gegee aan 'n nuwe tendens wat blykbaar in die hart van Hollywood se bevryde gemeenskap aan die groei is - aldus die skrywer.

Daar is, volgens die artikel die ou wysheid:

"The idea that lifetime love equals long-term labor pops up in rehearsal-dinner and anniversary-party toasts, and in parental advice and pastoral counseling sessions. It is one of those kernels of common sense that always seems to go without saying, but that also somehow requires constant reiteration." 

Hierdie "outydse" uitspraak het vele mense vir 'n lang tyd laat dink die huwelik is "boring" en "endless drudgery."

Maar kyk die paragrafie oor die nuwe patroon van denke in sekere flieks:

But in film and television, work and wedded bliss are now synonymous: the harder marriage is, the more romantic it seems.

Hoe moeiliker 'n huwelik is, staan in die artikel, hoe romantieser word dit!

Daar kom al hoe meer films op die mark wat die huwelik en monogame verhoudinge aanprys. Die artikel bespreek 'n hele klomp flieks. Hier is 'n skakel na die artikel.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/23/movies/the-hard-work-in-before-midnight-amour-and-other-films-and-shows.html?pagewanted=1&_r=0&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20130623

Dit is die moeite werd om dit stadig en herkouend te lees. Nuttige stof tot nadenke, ook in ons konteks waar so maklik gemaak en gebreek word aan strukture wat vir mense 'n gevoel van intimiteit en veiligheid gee, maar wat versigtig gekoester moet word.

Dalk ook 'n goeie idee om die flieks in groepe te kyk en te bespreek.

Spiritualiteit gaan om 'n proses van geloofsvorming. Niks kom maklik nie. Soos ons weggroei uit ou, tradisionalistiese strukture, word die ou nie noodwendig afgeskryf nie. In 'n worsteling om steeds weer sterker anderkant uit te kom, moet die ou strukture vernuwe word: die goeie daarvan te behou.

Dit was immers die boodskap van die bergrede.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Deurtrek met liefde. Oor spiritualiteit as transformasie in liefde.


Jan van die Kruis, die Spaanse digter en mistikus, het ‘n beroemde beeld gebruik om te verduidelik wat gebeur wanneer God ‘n mens aanraak en omvorm.

Hy gebruik die beeld van die vuur wat ‘n stuk hout aan die brand steek. Die vuur dring die hout binne, omvorm dit en word een met die hout.

Dit wys op die innige verhouding tussen God en mens, op God wat die mens aanraak en in hom of haar ‘n ewigheidservaring laat begin.

Waaijman gebruik hierdie beeld om ‘n belangrike aspek van transformasie te verduidelik. Spiritualiteit gaan immers om transformasie - om die totaal nuwe bestaan wat God in mense bewerk. Een aspek van hierdie transformasie is dat ‘n mens deur God tot liefde omvorm word. Dit noem hy die transformasie in liefde. 

Ek is in my leeswerk vandag geboei deur sy opmerkings oor die aard van die liefde. ‘n Kenmerk van liefde tussen God en mens is naamlik volgens hom die intimiteit daarvan. 

Wanneer God mense aanraak, ontstaan daar ‘n intieme band met hulle.

Waaijman formuleer aangrypend: Die mens gee sy/haar siel aan God en God ontvang hierdie gawe van die siel se liefde. God as die geliefde gee Godself aan die mens en die mens ontvang hierdie gawe van God se liefde. 

God en die mens vind vreugde in hierdie gedeelde liefde. Nou brand hierdie liefde in God en die mens. 

Dit is op hierdie punt dat Jan van die Kruis sy beeld inbring: wanneer God se liefde die mens aan die brand laat raak, dan is die mens soos die hout waarin die vuur indring. Naderhand brand die hout vanself en dit begin vlamme afgee.

God se liefde dring die mens binne. So brandende is die liefde dat die mens self liefde gee en word. Die mens kan liefhê soos God lief het. 

God bemin die mens, en, boeiend, die mens kan in wederliefde na God uitreik.

Dit is nog lank nie al nie: Hoe intenser God se liefde in ‘n mens brand, hoe intenser brand die liefde in die mens. 

En nog boeiender; Die mens is, boonop, nie regtig in beheer van hierdie liefde nie. Dit is God se liefde in ‘n mens wat die liefde vlammend laat brand. 

In Bybelse taal is dit die inwoning van die Gees wat die mense se hart in liefde laat ontvlam.

Altyd weer is die mens se diepste verlange ‘n verlange na die Gees, na die inwoning van die liefde. Altyd weer ontvang die mens dit as ‘n gawe, maar word die mens ook bemagtig om terug lief te hê.

Waaijman sluit hierdie deel af met die opmerking dat elke keer wanneer die liefde van God in ‘n mens se lewe ontvlam, ‘n mens ‘n voorsmaak van die ewige lewe kry. Die liefde bring in ‘n mens se lewe vreugde en die vreugde laat ‘n mens ‘n idee kry van die ewige lewe. 

Deur die vlam van die liefde word die mens opgetel na God en in God se teenwoordigheid gebring. Om by God te wees, is om die ewige lewe te ontvang. 

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